Fresh off the Boater goes all Fookooshimar-y

The Telegraph has a new Japan expat blogger, the improbably-named Alastair Wanklyn, who sees a sea of umbrellas and comes to the only logical conclusion:

Japan’s umbrella culture is reinforced these days by an ongoing fear of fall-out from Fukushima – in particular, radioactive rainwater. Locals tend to hedge and keep brollies both at home and at work.

Bless! Aren’t the newbies precious! I’m looking to next month’s article, when an increase in airborne radiation is the cause of all the masks being worn on the train. :roll:

A joke: Alastair covers an AKB48 story in Akihabara but gets lost, so his editor comes to rescue him. "Do you have a Wanklyn here?" he asks at the AKB theatre box office. "No, just do it in the toilets like everyone else."

Or: "That’s no way to refer to the Otaku queuing for a handshake!"

Or: "That’s not the kind of handshake they’re queuing for!"

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25 Comments.

  1. A newbie gaijin writes an article in October about how he is noticing lots more umbrellas lately…and doesn’t bother to ask.”Gee, maybe because it’s raining more? Nah! That doesn’t get me an article. Let’s say it’s radiaiton!!!!”

    Just look it up, it’s even in English

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tokyo#Climate

    But then even many Japanese (or at least the ones I know) aren’t aware that September is just as rainy as “the rainy season” in June.

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  2. What a curious writing style. Feels like he posted together his twitter feed to make an article. To be fair, though, the torment that Mr. Wanklyn must have endured as he grew up…

    Truth is, umbrellas have bloomed like desert flowers when it rains since long before Fukushima was a twinkle in HAARP’s eye. And the intraoffice “take your brollies home before we throw them out” memo is nothing new either.

    I didn’t think the peaches were all that great, this year, either. :cry:

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  3. Heh, and in slightly related news:

    Fukushima situation stable but still precarious.

    Stable and precarious at the same time. It’s Schrödinger’s Fukushima!

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  4. This article hits so many of the ‘bad Japan journalism’ buttons. Nothing is ever done, believed or feared by individuals; it’s all “the Japanese”. They’re all doing everything, even when it contradicts what they did a paragraph earlier.

    It’s like the first rule of journalism here has become: never, ever go up to a Japanese person and simply ask them what they think – the answer may contradict your predetermined thesis. Whether you’re ‘investigating’ a “no foreigners” sign at a bar or just musing on why people use umbrellas, your guess at the reasons will always outweigh anything the people directly involved could ever tell you.

    Or could it just be the 部屋の中の象: they don’t speak Japanese well enough to be doing any legitimate journalism here.

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  5. 8 Mar 2012 – FOX News Radio’s Alastair Wanklyn visited the region and reports in Part I of our special series, “Japan Disaster: One Year Later”:…

    Not sure we need to read past the F word ^^;

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  6. This is quite funny (given that he didn’t actually get killed). Alastair Wanklyn tells us just how peaceful Tripoli is, as he rides in on an open top jeep.

    http://www.kfbk.com/pages/dailydistractions.html?article=9044062

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  7. @Sublight

    To be fair, a lot of the travel and variety shows on the television make the same kind of moronic and specious claims about various other countries over the waters but at least they are marketed as entertainment rather than sub-serious news.

    Japanese TV talents, hacks and producers can stereotype our own countries as slab-handedly as Debito et al does theirs.

    No-one is innocent and I feel sorry for the half-caste children, legs akimbo, straddling both worlds, sighing, and tutting, beef curtains and caddy sacks fluttering in the wind, waiting for Mummy to steal them away so their Scottish dad can write a book about it and use the words Honne and Tatemae every dozen pages or so, all the while playing up the capriciousness of Japanese women who suddenly up and decide to leave after 6 years of marriage and two kids, all over the quality of a pack of sushi at Tescos.

    I mean, does anyone really believe that it takes two to make an arguement unless the other party happens to be Japanese, in which case they are always completely wrong and the gaijin is innocently blindsided?

    Life is gnarly, gnarly, gnarly with a capital g.

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  8. At least this guy is getting his posterior handed to him in the comments section of that article. I couldn’t be arsed (heh) to do it myself. :wink:

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  9. The more you think about it, even the smallest observations in the aticle start to fall apart.

    “The blunter shops sold them straight from crates boldly marked “Fukushima”. Others discreetly removed evidence of the fruit’s origin. ”

    Aside from the basic logical problem of implying he knows where unlabelled fruit comes from (psychic powers? or did he witness them removing labels?)…

    from the noobiness of the Japan “journalism” I’d wager even money this guy can’t even read 福島 (Fukushima) unless it’s written in romaji.

    Note to world-trotting journalists and thier editors who might :lol: not understand: romaji is Japanese for “the (English,etc) alphabet”

    Perhaps editors of newspapers should start asking their expat “journalists” to at least produce some sort of proof they can speak the local language or are working with an interpreter. Even the JLPT Level 2 would be enough. Hell, even Level 3!

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  10. Eric C must be a troll.

    He’s only got one point to make and he hammers it home time and time again.

    If so he’s doing a great job of extracting the base racial hatred out of the true punters over there.

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  11. @Ken Y-N:

    I’ll put my hand up and admit when I first heard about it I didn’t immediately realise that it was a hoax. :oops:

    ReplyReply
  12. This is the best you can do pathetic racist prick fuck you and your family if you have ever tried to breed

    ReplyReply
  13. Looks like Zeke’s weekend started early …

    ReplyReply
  14. how is fighting against racism racist?

    ohhhh……… like Debito…..

    ReplyReply
  15. Name field and Email field fail

    ReplyReply
  16. The Chrysanthemum Sniffer

    Isn’t Eric C the guy who propounded the genetic theory of Japanese racism as a reason for leaving Japan?

    ReplyReply
  17. @The Chrysanthemum Sniffer:

    Yep. “Considered and considerate” I think was the phrase it was blessed with.

    ReplyReply
  18. @iago

    Heh, and in slightly related news:

    Fukushima situation stable but still precarious.

    Stable and precarious at the same time. It’s Schrödinger’s Fukushima!

    LOL! Wouldn’t that be Schrödinger’s cat(astrophe)? :mrgreen:

    ReplyReply
  19. Eric C is on a long term trolling mission to convince some of the Debito worshipping anti-japanese crowd to leave Japan with their families.

    He’s working to effect change rather than just making jokes like some of us.

    ReplyReply
  20. @iLikeDolphins:

    “He’s working to effect change rather than just making jokes like some of us.”

    Nah, Whether he actually means what he writes or not, either way he is a joke, and the joke is on debito.org.

    ReplyReply
  21. By the way, has no-one even considered the Bulgarian Spy Possibility??

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgi_Markov

    Maybe the Aum ShinriKyo are regrouping!! :shock: :shock:

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  22. According to a recent Yomiuri article, foreign tourism to Japan is back up to its pre-disaster level.

    http://www.yomiuri.co.jp/dy/national/T121031003571.htm

    Foreign visitors during the Spring and Summer of 2012 were at or near the figures for the same periods in 2010.

    ReplyReply
  23. @fuckyoutepido@getfuckedtepido.com:

    dammit, that website doesn’t exist?

    I was hoping it did, so someone could do a whois search on the webmaster, google up some photos of him and insult his looks, libel him and call on my fans to harass him, then call the guy’s workplace and try to get him fired.

    Oh wait… silly me. I’m getting things backwards. That’s what would happen if it were getfuckeddebito.com
    :facepalm:

    ReplyReply

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