Illegal gaijins – go home or face arrest!

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Picture of a gaijin detector van courtesy of (ie nicked from) the Daily Fail. There’s a great big RFID gaijin card scanner in the back there.

Even the ultra-rightist (phrase courtesy of every English newspaper writing about Japan) UKIP said it was too much. Illegals might even be offered repatriation bribes of free flights.

In other gaijinisation news, spouses of flyjin will not be allowed to join them until they find a well-paying job.

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69 Comments.

  1. For me, the Summer Sonic gig was the pinnacle of ‘commercial’ success for the band. Question the veracity of a hardcore act ‘selling out’ to such a large venture all you like but I never really subscribed to those ideals anyway. Meeting a young Pete Doherty, seeing Hanoi Rocks from the wings with other up and coming young dudes, most of whom went on to much larger things than me, triple A all access passes, screaming fans, walking the VIP access route to the main stage, thousands of yellow eyes on me and my young wife on my arm. Terrific rock and roll memories. Strange to think that will probably never happen again. I’m dirty and I’m sweating, enjoying the bonhomie of the company of gnarled and grizzly men drinking sports water around a table, chain-smoking without a care in the world.

    You think I’m worried what English teachers think about about me? I could knock you known through force of will and my aura alone.

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  2. @iLikedolphins: Didn’t happen until we see some video or pics ILD. I can tell you the time a was on stage subbing as a tenor at the Tokyo Bunka Kaikan in front of a full house and in front of both Princess Mariko and PM Koizumi. Doooon Giooovaaaaannniiii!!! Glory days syndrome I know but I was in my prime – and the woman! Looord, the woman. Had them eating outta my hand. The ladies love a tenor. It’s because we tenors have enormous cocks, big beautiful pink cocks.

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  3. @Greg:

    I was there Greg. You were brilliant.

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  4. Why thank you VK. Maybe someone else would like to share a story from their glory days? How about the time you walked away from a Medical residency as a neurosurgeon because you promised your wife it was her turn to pursue her career and you would stay home with your daughter? I had to but that’s what love is all about, sacrifice.

    If it’s just us guys here, shhh… lean in a bit. later I’ll tell you about the time I spent the night making incredible love to Misako Ito. I don’t usually kiss and tell but if it’s just us guys…

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  5. Misaki Ito? Is that “the woman” that you were raving about? Did you show her your pink cock at the opera or something? Sounds like another gaijin tall story!

    Here’s the thing. You eikaiwa muppets are ruled by something I call “the iron fist of the mundane”. Even though there are heaps of foreign artists and musicians, designers and taco stand operators doing their thing every day in Japan, the boys from the bubble shut it all down and refuse to believe that anyone could exist outside the confines of Happy Whippy English Emporium and the Hub. You all need each other to be so similar that you settle around average. Like Debito is a bad faux academic but VK is a good faux academic. This whole world you have here is built around little differences. That’s why none of you can handle me and I’m just a guy who played in bands and got lucky and then became a dirt under the fingernails real man in the heart of industrial Japan. You people must absolutely shit yourselves when you meet real celebrities.

    Which of course you never do.

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  6. @KT88:

    The problem is that it’s getting repetitive, not consistent. (Everyone – including you – has noticed the general drop in quality. “You need to get laid” – what kind of lamearse insult is that?) At the end of the day, this site is about content, and he keeps bringing everything back to his comedy character.

    What I think he should really do is start a blog hammering gaijin vanity blogs (he seems to have quite a research project going on as it is). I think a lot of people would follow that (I would), and this character clearly has a need to be centre-stage.

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  7. Ken, I think a bit of redaction might be in order.

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  8. @VK: Hmm, back from a day out and see what happens to my blog! What needs redaction, apart from “all of it, basically”?

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  9. @VK: Fair enough, perhaps the material is spread a bit thin these days… fine line between consistency and repetition and all. I guess I’m just a fan of the character is all.

    Behind the sometimes rather good schoolyard insult hurl-ology, the man does make some good points. And he’s right on in terms of y/lok/co being a total self-appointed ass hat.

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  10. @absolute beginner: Well, well, well, was gonna sleuth it myself but I didn’t want to rob myself of the mystery. You know, snakes, pants, trees, apples etc

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  11. What needs redaction? All of it. Replaced by an equal amount of apology for the meiwaku you have caused, and a full disclosure of the names and contact details of all the 野蛮人 yabanjin you have supported here and on other sites, for the purpose of prosecution in the justice system. Thanks

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  12. @Ken Y-N:

    Identifying material. Just in case.

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  13. @VK: Identifying who? I’m all confused? :???:

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  14. @VK: Do you mean that last.fm link? I’ll put that message on hold until I hear from you. :???:

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  15. Yep, that link. There are nutters who try to harass people at work.

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  16. The Chrysanthemum Sniffer

    Was that really CJ? Wow. It’s like he reads this blog. Who wuddha thought.

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  17. Hi, Ken Y-N,
    Apparently, the govt. (yes, this f*cktardery is govt. sanctioned and sponsored) wants to expand this program to other “full of furriners” neighbourhoods in London. Sadly, foreign Engrish teachers are not in hot demand in the UK these days, but may I kindly suggest that the “Japan is raaacist” whiners try their hand at teaching ESL in Eastern Europe, where my parents are from. Sh*theads wouldn’t last a week.

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  18. True story:
    I visited Seattle’s Rock Box, a sleek and chic “authentic Japanese karaoke box” located in uber-hipster Capital Hill over a year and a half ago. I tried to sing a song in Japanese in the bar while waiting for my box. “ENGLISH ONLY IN THE BAR” bellowed an irate bartender. “Uh, well, I guess I’m not in Asia, um…ahh” “THAT’S RIGHT – YOU’RE IN AMERICA”. I let it drop, mostly because I was stunned at the level of vitriol. Said bartender f*cked up and a cued up a song in Japanese by mistake. I let it rip on the mic while she glared a hole through my forehead. Apparently, a public complaint from another patron (very recently, I might add) led the management to assume full denial mode. “Who, us?” I wonder how many other people got the “special gaijin treatment” in this establishment.

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  19. @Andrea C.:

    Ah, well, yes, but Andrea, what you have to understand is that when that bartender rudely yells that even the songs have to be in English, not just customer orders, that’s not America, it’s just that bartender being an asshole, and you can go elsewhere. On the other hand, when someone in a tiny karaoke box in a small town on a small island politely apologises – in English – for conducting business only in Japanese for the simple reason that they don’t speak English well enough (sing what songs you like though), IT’S THE ENTIRE, HATE-FILLED, MURDEROUS RACE FROM YONAGUNI TO WAKKANAI THAT’S TO BLAME FOR THIS OUTRAGE AGAINST HUMANITY.

    Frankly, I think you’re being an outrageous apologist for trying to compare the US with the imperialist oppressors Japan. Such comparisons are NEVER relevant except for the civil rights movement and that was in the past.

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